


Bombshell

by AxiomRequests (twofoldAxiom)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Ass Play, Astral Projection, Bomb Kink, Bombs, Cartoon Explosions, Cartoon Physics, Cunnilingus, Dom/sub Undertones, Embarrassment, Explosion Kink, Explosions, Explosives, Explosives Kink, F/F, Kink Exploration, Magic, Magical Accidents, Nipple Licking, Nipple Play, Scissoring, Sex Magic, Time Travel, Transformation, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-06-06 13:25:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15195707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twofoldAxiom/pseuds/AxiomRequests
Summary: Your name is Jane Crocker and you have a fuse coming up from your behind. You're pretty sure this is impossible, or you've gone crazy, but there seems to be a cause and solution to your troubles, both with the help of one Roxy Lalonde.





	Bombshell

**Author's Note:**

> For tumblr user astraleyedandroid. Thank you for waiting for this from me, this one was a lot of fun, even if it's pretty short! First F/F written thing too, whoo!

Insofar as strange things happening over the course of her life had been the norm, there had at least been a kind of rhyme and reason to it. Jane generally found things happening to her because of her connections to Betty Crocker and, by extension, the company's many enemies.

This particular occurrence had absolutely no reason for her to suspect it was a rival's thumb in the proverbial pie. If anything, she wasn't even  _sure_ if this could be counted as an attempt on her life or her reputation, so she couldn't entirely rule out that it was a whim of freak chance, or perhaps more likely, a startlingly realistic, if ridiculous, lucid dream.

Jane looked herself over one more time, trying to make sense of what she was seeing. She looked about normal, if rounder in the hips and bottom (more than necessary), but it had been the sort of week (month, if she were being honest with herself) wherein that wouldn't be entirely unexpected.

She had a tail, was the thing. Or something twisted and twiney that looked eerily  _like_  a tail.

It was almost  _bovine_ , and to think so made it feel like some kind of sick joke. Really, she was aware of her body! She didn't need to be made aware of what other people thought of it, or her, and the cowlike tail  _very_  firmly attached to the base of her spine and right above her sizable rear end was making that a great deal trickier than usual.

She might have just been going crazy. Things had been crazy her whole life. Maybe it had finally gotten to the old noggin' and the aforementioned noggin' just... gave up.

It would seem, at any rate, that the length extending from behind her to her ankles was staying. For Heaven's sake, she could use it as a  _belt_  if she'd had mind to. She ran her fingers along the frayed end and shuddered, surprised that she could feel that. It felt something like having someone run their fingers along her leg, or up her back, the latter of which she supposed wasn't too far off.

"Well." She huffed, dropping it to the floor with nary even a thud. She glared at it where it lay, trying to move it, but it seemed to be nothing more than a length of limp nerve. " _Well_. Looks like I'm just going to eliminate the obvious possibilities first. No need to get ahead of myself..."

Nervously, she raised a hand to her shoulder, and pinched as hard as she could.

" _Fuck!"_ She yowled in surprise, rubbing the sore, reddened crescent where her nails had bitten in. It hurt like a motherfucker. Not a dream.

So. She was crazy or this was very, very real, and if she was crazy then it may as well have been real, right?

It certainly didn't make her feel any better.

If anything, it was making her panic.

She shrieked in horror, or fury, she wasn't entirely sure; then she was shrieking in pain as she yanked at the length of cord hanging off her back, pulling it taut until tears were in her eyes.

"This can't be happening! This is  _inexcusable_!" She sobbed, fanning herself with her hands to try and dry the prickle of tears off her cheeks. She was a sturdy girl, but for once in her life she felt like she might fall faint, right across the bed or the nearest bench, like one of those dainty dames in noir films hearing the news of their mysteriously murdered husbands. She wondered if any of those dames might be more likely to throw something;  _she_ certainly felt like throwing something.

She composed herself as quickly as she could manage, resolving not to look behind her for at least another hour. She failed about five minutes in. The tail was still there, like it was mocking her.

"Damnit." She groaned. She finally sat on the edge of her bed, carefully easing the tail out of the way with a bit of rolled up paper so it hung off to the side. She buried her face in her hands, trying to think of some way to convince herself none of this was happening; if she could brute force her way out of a case of mental breakdown, she absolutely  _would_.

Minutes passed. Nothing seemed to change, at least until there was a knock on the door.

"I'm not feeling so great today, dad; maybe later." She groused. The knocking stopped, but a voice distinctly  _not_  her father's floated through to her. She perked her head up in surprise.

"Jaaaaneyyyyy, it's not your  _dad_  here. Open the door!" More knocking, louder and more erratic, like whoever was on the other side was knocking with both sets of knuckles. "I haven't seen you in person like,  _ever_ , Janey, and I went through all this trouble to get my fabulous butt over here! Don't you want to at least give me a big, warm welcome?"

For a moment, Jane forgot about the tail. She practically leapt off the bed, unable to believe her ears. "Roxy? Roxy, is that really you?"

"In the  _flesh!_ " She was taller in person, and thinner, with sunburnt skin and a wide, purple-stained smile. Roxy pushed herself off the door and swayed where she stood a little, taking in the room.

"You're here!" The tears came back, this time for an entirely different but still emotionally charged kind of reason, and she threw her arms around Roxy's shoulders so hard that she heard a muffled "gahk!" of surprise. "How are you-  _why_  are you- I thought you said you lived in the future! This should be impossible!"

Roxy tittered. "Does that mean you believed me about the future thing I spilled that one time?"

" _Fuck_  no!" Jane practically hauled her into the room, giving her a couple dizzying spins. "This means I was right about you living here in the present! But I don't care right now, I'm just- Roxy, wait!" She suddenly backed off from her, and Roxy looked at her confusedly, maybe even a little hurt. "I just realized you can't stay! If anyone sees you coming in and out of this house, you'll be a target, too! Oh, I'm such an  _idiot_!"

"Shhhh, Jane- Janey-  _Janeykins_ , my precious pumpkinbread palbuddy." Roxy laid her hands on Jane's shoulders, looking her in the eye as seriously as she could with how obviously sloshed she was. "I didn't come in the traditional way."

Jane looked aghast. "You  _broke_  into my house!?"

"What? No, no, not like that. I used  _magic_." She grinned even wider, toasting with a non-existent glass. "It was fucking  _great,_ Janey; Dirk said I couldn't do it, but I fucking looked him in the eye and-"

"Magic. Really." Jane shook her head. "This isn't the time, Roxy! You're in grave danger!"

"Psh _awwww._ " Roxy brushed her off easily. "It's true! Go on, you can check the windows or the doors or whatever. Nothing broken into, no cameras catching me, nothing! I popped right in here!"

"That's..." Well. Her dad  _did_  always say to check the facts herself. She held up a finger at Roxy, who was still smiling cheekily at her, and went to her crockertop. It couldn't have booted up any slower, she thought, before she typed in the password and started checking the security cameras around the premises, from the previous night to the present.

It was impossible... but it was true. Roxy was nowhere to be found in any of the cameras, and there were  _no_  blindspots thanks to the way her father had set everything up. There was a bit of static for about an hour in the one outside her room from around five am, though, and she slowed it down. Roxy appeared, impossibly, in a crackle and flash of what appeared to be hot pink lightning. The sensors didn't pick up any sound but the light thump of her shoes on the carpet.

Jane looked up at her best friend, smiling cheerily at her from the edge of the bed. Roxy's eyes gleamed. " _Now_ do you believe me?"

She chuckled, reeling. "Do I have a choice?" And by chance, when she leaned back, she winced as she grabbed the tail. Growling, she held it up, giving it a good shake. "This  _stupid_  thing-!"

Suddenly, Roxy was on the bed, wrenching the thing from her hands in horror. She held it in her hands, palms open and facing up, like the corpse of a beloved pet snake.

Jane narrowed her eyes. Roxy looked up at her, pale.

"I can explain."

"You'd better, buster." Jane grumbled, crossing her arms under her expanded chest. Which reminded her. "And while you're at it, what about the rest of this?" She gestured to her widened hips and thighs, her bust, and of course, the pants-stretching expanse of her ass. "I know I was quite the Bodacious Betty even before all this nonsense, but this isn't normal!"

"I know, I know, that's why I'm freaking out." Jane sat there a little stunned; she hadn't expected Roxy to admit she knew what was happening at all, let alone directly. Roxy bit her lip and looked sheepishly up at Jane. "It might be a... kind of side-effect."

A side-effect. Of course.

"Of what, dare I ask?" Jane narrowed her eyes, and Roxy flushed even darker.

"I  _may_." She began, and paused. Jane narrowed her eyes further and Roxy went on. "I  _may..._  have added a little extra...  _oomph._ To the spell that got me here in the first place."

Jane stared. Roxy panicked.

"It was only a little, I  _swear_!"

"Roxy."

Roxy wasn't listening, too busy nearly tearing her hair out. "I didn't mean to add in so much anemone, I thought it was going to be further back!"

Jane's eye twitched. "Roxy..."

"And  _ugh_ , I can't believe I messed this up because I thought I should have a drink before doing it!"

Jane's patience ran out. "Roxy!"

Roxy finally stopped herself, looking straight at Jane's flushed, fuming face. "You're still holding onto the fuse." She said, slowly. "You also said, as you see, that i _t's a bomb fuse._ "

Jane breathed out, and with her breath, went almost all the color in her face. "Are you saying that I'm a  _bomb_  now? As in a walking, living  _bomb?_ "

Roxy had the  _utter nerve_  to actually look  _embarrassed_. Jane was at a loss, until Roxy spoke.

"Not a real bomb." She said, holding out the fuse, her face almost as red as her painted nails. "I know where I fucked up, like, as well as I can tell anyway. Not a real bomb. More like a cartoon bomb."

"A cartoon bomb." Jane rolled her eyes. "ACME Tester Wile E. Coyote gave you this recipe, I presume?"

"No." Roxy didn't even miss a beat. "I came up with it myself and got myself into this kind of pickle before, especially since I'm supposed to be asleep."

"I don't follow."

"You know." Roxy mimed pillowing her head in her hands. "Asleep?"

"No, I really don't, and I don't think further explanation of your process is going to help. How do we  _fix me_?"

Roxy chewed on her lip, crossing her arms in what Jane would have thought was a mockery of her own pose if not for how sincerely Roxy  _wasn't_  looking at her.

"I have an idea." She said after a time, and when Jane looked skeptical, she shushed her. "No really, I've tried something like this before, and it should work even though I'm not really here."

"I really have gone crazy." Jane mumbled, laughing to herself at the absurdity of it all. "But fine. Alright. What's the plan, Captain?"

"We gotta make you explode."

Jane paused, letting the silence stretch on between them. Roxy began to fidget.

_Then_  Jane smacked herself in the forehead.

"That is the worst possible plan I could have possibly ever heard you suggest."

Roxy sputtered. "It worked the last time something like this happened!"

"And the time before that?"

"That too!" Roxy whined, lower lip trembling, and Jane felt her anger simmer down into something like pity. 

She sighed, leaning back on her hands and wincing again when she rested her weight on that damned fuse. "So how do you propose we deal with this?"

"Hmmm." Roxy hummed again, a little longer than really necessary, looking Jane up and down while Jane felt her hackles raising a little more under Roxy's scrutiny. What the hell could she even be thinking at a time like this? Was she really sure about what she was saying?

Then Jane felt a little guilty about that line of thought. This was her  _friend_. Maybe, just maybe, she could give her a little more trust than skepticism.

Just this once.

Roxy snapped her fingers just as Jane made that decision. "First off we have to figure out what makes you light up."

Jane raised an eyebrow. This was going to be harder than she thought.

She shook her head to try and shake off her doubts, deciding to go with it. "What did you have in mind?"

The look on Roxy's face was nearly manic with joy, which Jane supposed she couldn't really fault her for, if this was the first time they'd met in the flesh. And Roxy had always been the type to want to fix things for her. This would be no different. 

"Well, from the last time this happened to me, it had to be something that really got the blood pumping, you know?" She tapped her cheek in thought. "Something that really gets you on a timer and really needing that big  _kaboom_  at the end! Something like..."

Jane gulped, thinking over her words.

"... An orgasm!"

And then promptly shut her train of thought down in an indignant flurry of questions, directed entirely at Roxy.

"You're joking, right? An orgasm is the best thing you can think of? Was this a ploy to get in my proverbial bloomers this whole time, miss Lalonde? Or is this just because you're currently addled out of your wits by the obscene amounts of alcohol you've been drinking?" If she was a little too harsh in her accusations, she didn't realize until she really looked at Roxy's face, how hurt she looked and how silent she'd gotten. Jane found herself at a loss for words again. 

Then she coughed, rubbing the back of her head in something like shame. "Right, sorry. I just. I don't really think that about you... I'm just really nervous about. It. You know. The whole shebang. With orgasms at the end, if things go right."

"Oh. Janey..." Roxy looked apologetic, but smiled at her, in what she probably hoped was something that looked warm. "Don't you worry about a thing, babe, I'll keep things nice and easy. Ain't gotta be nothing to worry about!"

"Anything to worry about." Jane answered wryly, and Roxy snorted.

"Right. Ain't gotta be anything to worry about. You just lie back and relax, okay?" She made a show of raising her sleeves over her biceps, like she was getting ready for an arm-wrestling match. "I've had enough rounds of watching lesbian porn to get  _really_  good at it." She paused. "In theory." 

Jane coughed, blushing a little more. "I kind of wish you wouldn't refer to it as something like that, but I suppose you uh. You should get on with it anyway, regardless of what we're calling the act, right?"

Roxy smiled again, ruefully. "I think I want this to be fun for you too, you know; so if I do anything right now, tell me if it's no fun for you, yeah?"

"... Yeah." She was still hesitating, but Roxy's enthusiasm helped some. It certainly wasn't the way she expected to lose her virginity. No brooding, mustachio'd Ron Swanson to gruffly get up in her business or anything like that, Roxy was in no way comparable to Ron Swanson, but still. 

Something about the circumstances being what they were actually made things more... interesting. How, she couldn't entirely say, but it left prickles up her arms and legs that she couldn't entirely tell herself were unpleasant. The look of concentration on Roxy's face as she tried to figure out where to start "polishing", so to speak, left Jane's mouth dry, and it was with no small measure of surprise that she realized that while not exactly her  _ideal_ , Roxy wasn't hard on the eyes herself.

Especially not when Roxy was between her legs and eyeing up her...  _everything_ with the kind of raw fascination she usually thought of as a joke. She could feel heat starting to crawl up her face, particularly when Roxy leaned in closer, and gestured for her to turn over. On her belly now, she could feel her  _breath_  back there, warm and tingling.

"The polka-dot panties are cute." Roxy said, after a time. Jane blinked, and then buried her face in a pillow to scream a little. The tension was too much. Roxy snorted in laughter, but let her go on before easing her panties right off of her, right under her skirt. Jane felt the flush on her face deepening. Did Roxy really know what she was doing? She felt breath on her legs again, and this time Roxy's long-fingered hands on the softness of her inner thighs, pushing them apart. Jane pushed the pillow harder against her face in anticipation, knowing Roxy was just  _looking_  at the plump lips of her slit and probably the hole between her prodigious cheeks was making her even more flustered than before.

She could feel her breath there now, too. Where had Roxy learned something like this? Right, lesbian porn- but the really fancy, fake kind, or the more genuine, amateur kind?

Not that it really mattered when she finally got her mouth on it. Jane was so surprised that she didn't notice the hissing that suddenly filled the air, though she definitely noticed that the metaphorical sparks going through her were getting a lot less metaphorical. She smelled burning cloth, despite the pillow in her face. She wasn't paying all that much attention to  _that_ , though.

Roxy's tongue was doing a real number on her, and Jane imagined what she might look like, dark lips pressed flush to trembling skin as Roxy dragged her tongue through the folds of her cunt, her hands braced on Jane's hips and having her raise them so she could grab eager handfuls of her quaking derriere. Jane moaned, shakily at first, and then louder, though she kept it down as much a she could; she didn't want her father  _hearing_  any of this, let alone coming up to check on his little girl.

"Roxy, nnngh..." She turned her head to the side to breathe, and noticed she wasn't feeling any expected ache from the fuse in her spine; if anything, it felt... warm?

Roxy lifted her head from between her legs, licking her lips in a way that could only be described as  _lewd_. 

"Looks like we're on track!" She said, gesturing to the fuse, and bewildered as she was, Jane almost didn't understand what she saw. The fuse was lit, going off like a sparkler, and the shorter it got, the more heated she was starting to feel. "Gonna try something else to see what this bad boy can do."

"Isn't this dangerous?" She asked, still clutching the pillow to her chest.

"Nah." Roxy eased the pillow from Jane's grip, and then helped her get her shirt and bra out of the way. Her tits practically  _spilled_ out, considering how much larger they'd gotten, and Roxy eyed them hungrily, to her mild embarrassment and formidable arousal. "Perfectly safe. For us, I mean; I can't be sure about the rest of the room."

"What do you mean by tha-  _ohhh, Roxy!_ " She'd thrust a finger into both of Jane's lower holes, making her toes curl with surprise and pleasure. It was a pretty tight fit, but she'd loosened up a lot more than she thought she had; it didn't hurt in the slightest like when she'd given it a try, or maybe Roxy just had slimmer fingers than she did. Roxy wrapped her lips around one of Jane's prominent nipples, and the moaning didn't have a hope in Hell of being muffled then. She didn't know they were so sensitive!

Roxy hummed, and the sound of hissing, sparking fuse only got louder in Jane's ears, the tension in her body building like a cresting wave. Roxy's thumb even grazed over the hood of Jane's clit, pressing down carefully but just enough that it made one of her legs bounce involuntarily, tremors shaking her as she clamped down on Roxy's finger.

Moreso when Roxy pushed in a second one into her ass, making the stretch more intense. Weren't those fingers supposed to go elsewhere? Jane found herself panting, one hand tight in her sheets and the other around Roxy's shoulders. She could feel Roxy humping her thigh, but that only made the heat build faster. She bit her lip with a whimper, grinding her hips down on Roxy's hand, ass wobbling with the movement in a way that she could hear Roxy purr appreciatively about.

"I'm..." She breathed, blinking to get her head around the rushing in her ears and the slurping of Roxy's lips on her chest. Roxy finally stopped sucking on her, trying to get her hand out from between Jane's thighs. Jane whimpered. "I'm not done yet, please!"

"Relax, I'm just changing things up. Safety reasons, too." Roxy didn't sound very relaxed either, her own voice gone husky. She straddled Jane's ass as best she could with her increased size, and Jane was thankful for those long legs Roxy had, making it easier for her to do whatever it was she meant to. She was stripping off her shirt, and her bra, and then divesting Jane of the remainder of her own clothes.

Roxy parted the cheeks of her ass and spat at the hole, and Jane trembled a little at the feeling of Roxy's fingers inside her again, the smallest one in her cunt but the other three buried knuckle-deep in her backdoor, in such a way that Roxy was probably at least a little stuck, but it was too good for her to ask her to stop. The fuse was burning across the sheets and she couldn't give a single flying hoodilly about it. Jane had more pressing matters to attend to, like the way Roxy caressed her breasts, and sides, cupping her ass and giving it a hard squeeze like she wanted to make sure she had everything burned into her by touch, including her insides and  _especially_  all that extra ass. They were both getting lightheaded, Jane was sure, or as sure as she could be when she could hardly think.

She practically thrust herself against Roxy, so lost in it that she didn't notice when Roxy pulled away and  _slammed_  her hand into her, and in that moment the fuse hit the base of her spine and everything else hit her in a very literal explosion. She couldn't tell up from down or where she was, but the orgasm rocked her to her very core, literally backed up by the earthshaking  _boom_  that rang through the house.

She woke up with Roxy nowhere to be seen, and started to panic. Things were knocked over, windows were shattered- this wasn't the first time someone had tried to kill her, so this wasn't the first time she'd seen the aftermath of an explosion up close, but  _Roxy._

Was.

... Hiding behind the desk?

"That was a big one." She said, smiling brightly, and Jane threw a pillow at her. "Told you it was safe."

"Safe." Jane huffed. But she had to admit: She'd do it again.


End file.
